we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
True strength comes from lack of pants
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
