she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
