in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
