Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
