The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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