Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
