May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize