Where are you?
In a non slutty way
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
a search helicopter?!
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
