sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
