he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
