I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize