I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
He kissed a someone with a penis
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
