I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
