we have officially lost it.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
