I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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