Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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