Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
