I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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