i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
