If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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