I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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