This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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