Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Soap is not a condiment
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
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