I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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