I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
