For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
