You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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