Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize