No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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