There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He shit in the fireplace
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
