i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
