I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
