I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
