Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
