I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
