life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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