Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
