You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
