I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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