Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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