I'm gonna have a badass scar
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
