I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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