Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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