I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
