1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
