Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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