If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
