Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
