Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
