how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
