Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize