I hate your face
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Randomize