I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
At least make sure they are 18
Why
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
