I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You ruined the universe
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
