i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
