Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
i think my cat just said my name.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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