we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
