just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize