I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
