It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
he puts the penis in happiness.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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