So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
i've created a new STD.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
you never un-have a 4some
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
