im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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