I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
