No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
