I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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