Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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