my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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