I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
