Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
