Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
