I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
