I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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