i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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