D3 body, D1 cock
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
smell my finger.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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