My sheets look like a crime scene.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Sorry my hands just texted you
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
