lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
