I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize